| Team:
Rob, Matt G, Mark, Steve, Will, Andy, James, Jim, Alex, Rich,
Tom |
| Subs:
Bastien, Joss and Dennis |
| The
Albion 'Whites' took to the pitch on Wednesday in low spirits
following the poor performances of both England and Jim's year
9's in the evenings earlier kick offs. However being the professional
outfit that they are the albion were soon concentrating on the
task in hand - getting the fuc*ing pikey little 10 year olds off
the pitch - who this week to be fair put up quite a struggle making
numerous threats involving manor's, fireworks, older brothers
and dads. The little sh*ts took great pleasure in abusing Joss
for wearing a f*nny pack (or bum bag for the traditionalists out
there) - little did they know this stylish looking accessory folded
out into an equally practical '1988 Calgary' Olympics rain jacket.
Give it 6 months and they'll all be wearing the 'fake' Burberry
equivalent mark my words... |
| Anyway
onto the game itself - with a few injuries the reds were light
in midfield with match reporter Marrs filling in as an emergency
right midfielder. The game started off scrappily with Brunswick
(clearly in fear of the 'Albion Galacticos' - Rich 2004) adopting
a safety first 9 man defence and 1 man midfield. The reds injury
problems worsened after 5 minutes with Alex pulling a hamstring
and being replaced by debutant Bastien. The first half had little
noteworthy action - 2 balls were lost on the roof, Dennis wasn't
quiet for more than 7 seconds, their 6 foot 10 midfielder won
a few flick ons and Mark almost made their centre forward cry
- in fact if you were Steve I imagine the term 'dogshit' would
spring to mind. |
| Half
Time 0.0 - once again discussion quickly turned to oranges rather
than the actual game itself and it was good to see injured captain
Irish Pete had joined the albion supporters on the touchline -
Al proudly looked at his soldiers and reminded them that a 5.0
victory would see them go top - surely an unattainable margin
of victory... |
| The
second half kicked off and Brunswick had adapted their tactics
dropping their midfielder to a deeper role - now playing the previously
unheard of '10' formation... The reds duly took this an invite
to launch an all out assault and had Brunswick pretty much penned
in their own half with Jim finally breaking the deadlock - slotting
in expertly when clean through. A substitution quickly followed
with Joss finally removing the f*nny pack and entering the field
of play. And he duly nodded in the second with almost his first
touch - following the keeper producing a fantastic matrix style
save from Toms point blank header after an equally fantastic left
wing cross from Jim. |
The
reds were on fire now and once again it appeared to be hammer
time with shots reigning in on the Brunswick goal - in celebration
Dennis started a touchline rap taunting the Brunswick subs with
some infamous
Mc Hammer lyrics: |
"Yeah,
U can't touch this,
Look man u can't touch this,
You better get hyped
Boy 'cause you know ya can't
U can't touch this
Ring the bell, school's back in
Break it down
Stop. Hammer time" |
| This
clearly inspired the team and Mark forgetting that he only scores
with his head - coolly dispatched a right foot shot into the goal
for number 3 - now certain members of the team (Messrs Rogers
and Fogg) have launched something of a underhand smear campaign
claiming that Mr Brayton's strike was heading for the corner flag
(at best) before being deflected in by the defender - however
following an exclusive heart to heart discussion by match reporter
Marrs with Mark late on Wednesday evening I can confirm the shot
was barely deflected. |
| Things
started to hot up further as the reds chased top spot and banged
in number 4 - this time top-scorer Rogers adding to his tally
with a sharp half volley following a corner. All that remained
was for super sub Dennis to enter the fray and provide one storming
and determined run through the centre of the Brunswick defence
before finally being crowded out and Rob to have a well earned
snooze against the post while the Brunswick striker stormed clean
through on goal. |
| Final
score 4-0 - which sees the Reds in nose bleed territory of joint
top! Quality second half performance in which the Reds defied
medical science - proving to be athletes of the highest order
despite the majority living on a diet of junk food, lager and
cigarettes... |
| Following
the game it was down to Rosie's after manager Al's revelation
that they are now serving road kill... sorry chicken sandwiches.
These were duly dispatched by Dennis and Mark who seemingly hadn't
eaten in some time. |
|
Man
of the Match: absolutely nothing to do with his performance
(despite scoring) but this weeks award goes to Joss - anybody
who has the balls or sheer stupidity to wear a f*nny pack on
Market road deserves such an honour.
|
| Muppet
of the Match: His second of the season following the quite ridiculous
question "right which w*nker has stolen my pants?" Rumours
that they had merely disintegrated proved untrue.
|
