| Team: Rob, Matt G, Mark ©, Steve, Andy,
Joe, Rich, Aidan, Jim, Tom, James. |
| Subs: Joss, Bastien, Alex |
| Supporting Cast: Will & Irish Pete. |
| Back in the 80's when not drinking pints of
Guinness or waking up in a pool of his own p*ss good old Greavsie
would famously mutter the words "Its a funny old game"
and nowhere did this phrase ring truer than Market Roads 'Top
Pitch' last night as the Reds took on Edexcel. |
| When you're a club the size of the Reds every
game is a big game and this was obviously no exception - a win
would put the resurgent Reds 3 points clear of the much talked
about 'Times B' at the top of the league. Before hand the Reds
very own Russell Grant (manager Al) predicted a good clean game
- a "nice bunch of lads" he said which transpired to
be very different to the descriptions muttered by Mark and Steve
at half time. |
| Pre-match manager Al, in an attempt to keep
things fresh, threw a surprise by naming the starting 11 over
3 hours prior to kick off. This was clearly another tactical masterstroke
as the Reds started the game the sharpest they have all season.
Particularly impressive was the way in which the Reds were closing
down the opposition allowing them no time on the ball. It soon
dawned on the Reds that the way to beat Edexcel (average team
height 6"8) was to play the ball on the floor. |
| As the Reds stroked the ball around the park
'probing' for a break through the subs and supporting cast eulogised
about the team's fine play. It was only a matter of time before
the Reds scored and this duly arrived when James slid the perfect
through ball to Tom who expertly rounded the keeper and finished
with ease. Almost immediately the reds once again pierced the
Edexcel offside trap with a Reds player (Rich?) cooly slotting
in a reds player's (James?) cross. Once again Edexcel aggressively
questioned the lineswoman's decision but deep down they knew it
was the correct decision… |
| Al clearly had confidence in his team - "Football
will be the winner today boys" he proclaimed to the subs
and supporting cast and he was correct because seconds later the
Reds scored what will surely be one of the goals of the season.
Andy fed James on the right who swept in a sweet left foot cross
- Jim gliding like a bird of prey through the air expertly nodded
the ball into the bottom right corner. By chance Paul Daniels
happened to be walking down Market Road turning to his much maligned
wife Debbie he commented "Now that's magic!" Couldn't
have put it better myself Paul…slightly less calm was Al
on the touchline who like Dennis last week broke into song "This
is my moment, this is my perfect moment with yoooou" he tunefully
professed singing all 4 verses of the Martine McCutchen classic
with Irish Pete providing beautifully soft backing vocals defying
his ruggish exterior. Alongside them Will & Joss hand in hand
gently swayed - with their lighters gleefully held aloft… |
| On the pitch Edexcel kicked off - clearly a
beaten team - heads down and shoulders slumped. Knowing no mercy
the reds knocked one more into the Edexcel onion bag when Jim
shimmied his way through the penalty area before slipping the
ball past the keeper. As he raced over to the touchline in celebration
the lineswoman screamed "take me hard from behind here and
now" - "Sorry pet I cannae I'm married like" replied
Jim (oddly adopting a Geordie accent). HT 4-0. |
| Spookily as if he'd predicted such a fine performance
Russell Grant…sorry Al had cut the oranges into jumbo segments
- "anyone want to go halfers" enquired Joss before guzzling
down the lot peel and all. Amongst the jubilation sat a small
corner of sadness as burly centre half Mark was struck down by
the dreaded captains injury curse - first Pete, then Will and
now Mark (has anyone seen or heard of Steve since Wednesday??) |
| Bastien came onto replace Mark with Aidan dropping
back into centre half - and the Reds seemed unaffected by the
re-organisation as top scorer James knocked in his 21st of the
season from distance - 5-0. However oddly for the next 20 minutes
the Reds were forced onto the back foot and during this period
Edexcel were given a goal by the ref who thinking it was a 5-aside
game awarded a pen when Rich entered the penalty area. 5-1. |
| This clearly raised Edexcel's spirits and the
cat was called upon to produce 2 smart saves - however the Reds
expertly saw the game out with both Joss (thankfully no longer
holding Wills hand) and Alex entering the fray. FT 5-1. |
| "We are top of the league…we are
top of the league" the reds chose not to sing - this professional
bunch know trophies aren't handed out in October…. |
| 'Big Post Match Action' Rob and Andy carry Mark
home - "I'll be fine for Monday Al" was the defiant
parting cry from the burly Albion centre half. |
| The rest of the lads headed down to Rosie's
and my sources tell me a good time was had by all - with the Jossmobile
kindly escorting not only the usual reprobates (Steve, Will and
James) home but also the 'peroxide blonde lineswoman'. However
on a slightly sour note Albion Reds FC are currently investigating
allegations that a scuffle broke out between Steve and James on
the way from Rosie's to the Joss Mobile - it is believed the argument
was over who had first rights to the "back door" - this
has caused confusion amongst the Albion Reds board as they were
under the impression that Joss' motor car was a 3-door hatch -back... |
| Man of the Match: It’s a tough one again.
The cat made some fine saves, James provided some quality assists
- however honours must go to Jim: 2 goals and he remained faithful
to his beautiful French wife Isabelle…shucks what a guy! |
| Muppet of the Match: definitely the most competitive
week of the season for this much coveted award - and after that
second half performance I think we could probably choose anyone
from 11! However match reporter Marrs is big (or small) enough
to admit when he's acted like a muppet and the 2 flying "headers"
that never were at the end of the first half deservedly gain me
this weeks honour… |
| This match report was kindly sponsored
by Rosie McCann's - 'Proudly ignoring British Licensing Laws since
1972' |
