|
Team:
Paul C James
Jim McT Pete(c)
Jim F Rich
Will
Steve Mark
Rob
Michael D
subs: Andy, Sean, Tom
|
| It was 'snow' fun for the Reds'last
night as they battled in difficult conditions to an unconvincing
2-2 draw with the leagues bottom side - FC Eurostar. |
| It was the Reds' first league game
of 2005 and it saw the return of left back Will and match reporter
Marrs following a 'career threatening' toe injury. Its clear that
the reds are evolving into a professional outfit as before the
game the team not only warmed up but also had a pre match team
talk from Ireland's number one export Mr Peter Doyle! |
| Conditions were not favourable with
snow and ice underfoot. Big Italian Jim Amorosu, not used to such
temperatures, looked particularly cold as the boys kicked off.
The Reds as usual started brightly having the majority of possession
and chances - the best of which fell to Connell who uncharacteristically
shot wide when a defensive lapse saw him one on one with the keeper.
Sadly and rather predictably after having all the play the reds
went 1-0 down. After keeper Michael made a smart save from a stinging
free kick on the edge of the box - big Mark thought he'd test
him again sliding in and kneeing the ball into the back of the
net. As Mark and Steve once again argued over who's goal it was
the reds briskly kicked off. |
| On the touchline the own goal did
little to warm up manager Al, match reporter Marrs, Tom and Sean
who cuddled together in what was increasingly a battle for survival
- Al scowled at his forgetfulness at not bringing along his duvet
for them all to wrap themselves up in. |
| The Reds continued to dominate and
deservedly equalised 5 minutes before half time when the artist
formerly known as Jim Amoruso (watch out for part 2 to find out
what I'm on about) spanked in a 30 yard free kick that the keeper
barely saw! With recent right back recruit Rob marauding down
the flanks and delivering some superb dead balls the reds pushed
on for a second but had to settle for a 1-1 half time score line. |
| Exclusive new match report feature:
'Dressing Room Lowdown': there was no standing out in the cold
sucking on oranges tonight it was straight to the dressing room.
Again it was professionalism all the way as the lads discussed
tactics not oranges for the full 10 minutes.This all became a
little too much for Will who match reporter marrs can exclusively
reveal promptly stood up and displaying a masterful ability to
change the lyrics of a popular Black eyed peas track started to
sing in a lovely tender tone: "Where is the fun, where is
the fun, oooh where is the fun....people shouting, people diving,
people cheating, people lying, can't we practice our match tactics
but please laugh together every week"....there was barley
a dry eye in the changing room. |
| Once again everybody displayed quite
outstanding ability to ignore everything that was discussed at
half time - including the hilarious left wing kick off tactic
or 'LWKOT' as its known for short. With Will and Jim attempting
to remain anonymous on the touchline near the halfway line half
the team proceeded to shout across to them "lads where kicking
off in a second", "Will get into position" as the
clearly duped linesman asked them to put jumpers on because he
wouldn't be able to tell them apart from the players on the pitch!
Anyway unsurprisingly the LWKOT failed miserably and the subs
bellowed abuse at the reunited excitable left sided pairing of
Will and Jim Mc. |
| Almost immediately after half time
it was Jim Mc who lashed in a fine shot to give the Reds a well
deserved 2-1 lead. Following this strike the reds continued to
dominate however unbelievably FC Pornstar managed to equalise
with only their 3nd shot of the game - as their pacey number 10
lobbed Michael who almost blocked his attempted effort. |
| For the remainder of the game the
reds kept the opposition camped in their own half as matters became
tense...however not as tense as on the touchline where it was
fast turning into an episode of 999. |
| With Al attempting to make a double
substitution it soon became apparent that Sean was no longer conscious
- he'd slipped into a coma due to the extreme temperatures - Tom
recalling his scouts first aid training quickly placed him into
the recovery position, ensured his air ways were clear and stripped
him naked before reaching into the vulcan and spraying him from
head to toe with deep heat! Thankfully he soon came round and
Tom and Sean (fully kitted) were able to replace Pete and Rich. |
| Manager Al then offered match reporter
Marrs a 10 minute run out - realising it would take at least 6
minutes to get all the layers of clothing off with frozen hands
and that the team were pressing for the winner Marrs said 'he'd
do one for the team' (a statement he would later regret after
Al's 3rd pint) and politely declined. Sadly like Rogers £200
snowboard off ebay the winning goal never came and the reds trudged
off down hearted with a 2-2 draw. |
| (p.s failed to mention the ref and
linesmen were sh*t). |
Don't be worried you guys who snuck
off home straight after the game for a quick w*nk - a full report
of last nights Rosie McCanns shenanigans will be winging its way
to you first thing tomorrow! Heres a little taster of whats to
come...
'which facking c*nt wants the facking Chelsea game on I drink
in ere every facking niiiight' -
yes folks it's the reds new best mate and mascot Burberry clad
Colin! |
