Team: Mikey, Matt,
Dom Rogers, Andy, Paul, Jim F, Jim Mc, Irish Pete, Mark, Steve
Bench: Rich |
| 'Kick Off': Estimated at about
8.50pm. |
| To celebrate our top Eastern
European star Steve fuc*ing off to Oz manager Al kindly arranged
a friendly against previous opponents Greenoak Morton. The weather
in Paddington was as always very nice (the richer areas of London
pay for this privilege - hence the sh*t weather in Stokey boys). |
| As kick off approached the
lads were eager to test out David Dickinson...sorry manager Als
latest bargain off Ebay. The boys were certainly not disappointed
- this time the wee fella had invested in 10 non-round footies
- for only £6 each - bargain! |
| It was all change in the reds
line up with the 2 bruise brothers Mark and Steve taking their
places up front - whilst at the back Dom and Lothar Rogers filled
in. It was also great to see matt back in action - many observers
had doubted whether a player of his age could recover from such
a serious break - how wrong they were! |
Straight from kick off the
Reds flew out of the traps with the big man (Mark) guiding home
a sublime header from an equally sublime ball from Jim Mc. With
Morton immediately displaying a distinct lack of tactical nouse,
intelligence, composure and team spirit the Reds spirits were
raised. Morton barely noticed the Reds second as they were too
busy calling each other and the ref 'c*nts' - nice. It was another
well worked goal with the 2 stand in strikers combining well
to enable Steve to slot home. This was Steves 5th goal for the
reds thus earning him a place int he red scoring hall of fame
- "hall of fame your avin a laugh" the assembled Morton
supporters chanted... |
| Predictably the reds then
took their foot of the gas and allowed Morton to claw their way
back into the game. With the reds back line failing to clear their
lines - 2 smart finishes from Morton (including one from a chap
sporting a hoody and hat along with his kit?!) saw the teams go
in level at half time. |
| There was no time to discuss
oranges at half time - instead the debate centred around what
a bunch of tw*ts Morton were particularly the fiery Turkish centre
back that Mark had been having a running battle with. Half time
substitution saw Rich replace the returning Matt - who'd got a
solid 45 mins under his belt. |
| Like in the first half the
Reds started the second smartly - spraying the ball about like
a champions league bound Everton side...and it was soon 3-2. Once
again it was a flowing move with Jim Mc accidentally spraying
a quality ball with his right foot to Mark who crossed for Irish
Pete to smash the ball into the net (whilst at the same time organising
a business meeting on his blueberry - Petes certainly one busy
guy). |
| The reds fourth saw the match
enter 'controversy overload' - with Mark smashing home a trademark
(what else) header he sportingly (attempting to provide some coaching)
discussed his opponents lack of marking? Said opponent then proceeded
to throw a hissy fit that even Rogers would have been proud of
- firstly booting Mark on the hip (his best strike of the day)
and then ripping his shirt off before ranting at the ref, the
reds and his team. What a c*ck, what a c*ck, what a c*ck muttered
Autistic Andy whilst counting the leaves on a nearby tree. |
| Eventually the game kicked
off (in the ball in the centre circle sense) and salt was stuffed
into Mortons 10 mens wounds with Steve adding his second of the
night. With the main man now on a hat-trick it seemed only a matter
of time and he duly obliged by topping off a cracking night for
the reds by rounding the defender, keeper before smashing the
ball wide of an empty net - couldn't have scripted it better myself!! |
| What followed was a 'right
old kafuffle' as Jim F who'd had an industrious game knocked off
Morton's main strikers (the infamous MC W*nk's) hat! Before we
knew it the reds were surrounded by loads of hooded chavs (albeit
very short ones) who looked a bit like an eastern European version
of the so solid crew whilst walking around in an aggressive manner,
making all kinds of rad hand gestures...sadly Michael winner was
no where to be seen to apply the necessary 'calm down dear it's
only a hat' - so the result was Abandoned game. (I'd just like
to point out Steve/Mark in the event of an abandonment official
FA rules state that all goals and bookings are null and void -
shame). |
| Back in the sanctuary of the
dressing room it was time for the boys to quickly throw on some
glad rags (and in Jim F's case some white dancing shoes that even
Will Young would think twice about sporting) in preparation for
a night on the beers. Sadly Match reporter Marrs had been denied
the opportunity to play in the hole for the last 20 mins - however
with the special powered 'pulling shirt' (66% conversion rate
between Aug 04 - Nov 04 Official OPTAA - On the Pull Tonight Ai
Ai!' statistics) covering his 'broad' shoulders the chance was
still there for the taking.... |
| Once on upper street it was
straight off to the Kings head - where it was all about getting
the pints in through the ingenious hatch and staring at fit 19yr
old students - particularly the lady in the 3 inch denim shirt
- 'filthy little b*tch' Jim F expertly analysed. At the other
end of the table resident intellects manager Al, Jim Mc and Rogers
discussed modern literature (I kid you not) whilst in-between
resident r*tards Steve and Mark talked to each other how they'd
both scored 2 goals - they don't count lads! The ale flowed and
before we knew it Rob and Will were on board and up for the challenge
- declining the opportunity to roast one of the students it was
man overboard as Jim Mc went home to his beautiful French wife
Isabelle. |
| Off to the Keston
Lodge it was - in search of some ladies. Before you could mutter
'but it's a sh*t shirt' Marrs had 2 Swedish ladies in tow and
the pattern for the evening was set...that'll be loads of great
approach play but no hitting the back of the net! However it was
a different story at the bar with Manager Al vying for the attention
of a young 'rather excitable' lady - 1 beer later and Will was
also involved in what turned out to be a titanic struggle billed
the 'bald matador' versus the 'golden locked gladiator' - in the
end the locks prevailed and Will retired to a murky corner of
the bar to molest Miss Le Tissier (looked great from 35 yards). |
| To be honest lads my memory
beyond this point is hazy - feel free to add any details. All
I do know is a few of us went for a sit down kebab (or sit down
nap as it turned out for Rob) whilst Rogers, Jim F and Dom went
for a threesome in some scruffy bed-sit in Old Street. |
| One final comment Steve I'm sure
many of the team won't join me in saying it was a pleasure to
play footy/drink with you - all the best on your travels! P.S
Prepare yourself for a shock when visiting Oz - believe me our
resident Aussie Mikey holding not only the powers of speech but
also a law degree is certainly what you'd call an anomaly. |
