Team: Rob, Aidan, Andy, Brian, Irish Pete,
Jim, Joss, Paul, Steve, Tom, Will
Subs: Ben, James, Rich
|
| Following the shith*le that was
Clapham or 'claaam' depending on your sexuality - the Reds were
pleased to be back in the familiar surroundings of market road.
No rugger, chinos and turned up collars round here just fake Burberry,
bling and hookers - the way we like it. Pre match manager Al sprung
a major surprise dropping top scorer James to the bench. Midfielder
Rich was back from injury and took his place on the bench. Brian
dropped back to centre back to cover for Mark who last week fled
to Gretna Green to marry his girlfriend Sarah. In the warm-up
the 'fluid Albion defence' (*TM Steve 2004) mockingly discussed
the height of the opposition keeper - fools. |
| The match kicked off with Albion
enjoying lots of possession against their spirited opponents.
A number of attacks were launched by the reds with both Tom and
Joss winning their fair share of high balls however the Vanalli
keeper was more than equal to the Reds efforts. However the Reds
did finally beat the 'pesky kid' in the Vanalli goal after about
35 mins - with either Joss or Aidan * banging in a bouncing ball
after some excellent closing down from the reds. The reds almost
doubled their lead when the Vanalli defence foolishly stood off
match reporter Marrs who decided it was 'hammer time' and unleashed
a '30 yard thunderbolt' that the keeper somehow managed to tip
over. |
| Vanalli responded well in the closing
stages and could have equalised when their rapid striker broke
clean through on goal - thankfully he pushed his shot wide after
Rob closed him down well. As the first half drew to a close Will
forgetting that he isn't 6 foot 4 and built like a brick sh*thouse
decided to partake in some aggressive banter with the particularly
mental Vanalli supporter sporting a shaved head, large amounts
of bling, and drinking cans of super strength. Half Time 1.0.
|
Clearly the later 8pm kick off had
left the reds rather jaded as the half time 'banter' was far from
its usual high standard. Orange enthusiasts Jim and Joss attempted
to kick-start some of the usual orange banter - but it just wasn't
happening...oh well onto the second half then. After a slight
delay following half of the Vanalli team needing to visit the
'restroom' and phone home to let their mums know they'll be back
after 9 - the second half kicked off with James replacing Paul
on the
right of midfield. |
| Little did we know that the second
half would be so heavily dominated by one man - the ageing Greek
referee 'SATURN' - the 'God of Time'. Apologies if you already
know this but Saturn is the son of Uranus (stop giggling Tom)
and the Father of Jupiter, Neptune and Pluto. Anyway the game
became a rather scrappy affair with Vanalli proving spirited and
hard working opponents. |
Increasingly 'Saturn' became the
focal point of the match as free kick after free kick was awarded.
It was then that Saturn began to share some fine words of wisdom
- when questioned by the dwarf No 7 from Vanalli whether he had
stopped the clock - he wisely commented "Time my son stops
for no-one it is a continuous entity" - sadly the players
muttered
response lacked such wisdom - "What a fuc*ing prick"
he muttered. When questioned by the Tom how long was left - Saturn
stared at his watch for a good minute in complete silence - entranced
by the beauty of this time measuring device - worryingly he answered
"I not know 20 maybe 25 minutes." |
| As the game progressed James and the Vanalli
number 11 became embroiled in a running battle - James was warned
"not to facking mess right cos this is the wrong manor to
be picking a facking fight cos you'll go down innit" - rather
puzzled by this discussion of manors - James politely commented
"I'm sorry I haven't a clue what you are talking about."
Just when you thought the game couldn't get any uglier - it did
with the arrival of Wills 'arch rival' in the North London League
hair stakes. Players glanced nervously at one another as the Vanalli
sub entered the field of play with his flowing locks bouncing
elegantly in the late evening breeze. All eyes were on Will who
seemed somewhat miffed that his opponent had invested in a rather
fetching red hair band which beautifully complimented his red
boots. Following a number of off the ball scuffles over who's
hair had the 'greater body' and 'natural wave' things looked like
they may get out of control however thankfully Saturn intervened
and cooled down the situation... anyway back to the action captain
Pete twisted a knee and had to go off injured - replaced by Rich.
Tom had a fine chance saved late on as the Vanalli keeper continued
to excel and the reds went onto record an solid if unspectacular
1-0 victory. |
| Final Score 1-0. |
Sadly no post match banter to share - everybody
appeared to have other plans - or were just heading home - like
Steve who fearing he may have lost Mark forever following his
marriage to Sarah had to rush back to
apply the final touches to his paper mache life-size model of
his centre back buddy.
|
| * CORRECTION FROM TOM: With either
Joss, Aidan or match winner Tom banging in a bouncing ball. |
